Saturday, December 04, 2010

Something's Yearning - A Pull of the Heart Strings

I have a yearning lately. It's pulling my heart strings. Making me think and rethink all that I have thought in days past. It's refining me, and refinishing me, and scraping away the scratches and dullness of time that formed from moments upon moments of accepting complacency and mediocrity and ineffectiveness - all within the cozy corners of my being.

I am surrounded by all that makes my world mine and yet this yearning is drawing me out of my world and making me slightly uncomfortable. I am scared for the unknown. I am stomach-quaking for the risk of baring more than I have before. I am quivering at the knees for a vulnerability revealed. For I am weak. And I am broken.

There is this yearning lately.

Am I not called to be in the world and not of it? And am I not called to be slightly radical?

And yet, I want to be comfortable, not radical.

When I run, I pace myself. I seldom, very seldom press hard. I don't like pain. I don't like discomfort. I want to enjoy my run, not suffer through it.

Is this me through the race of life? Not wanting to face the pain? I voice shallow words without intense conversations. I hold onto the emotions that want to squeeze out of my eyes. I try to ignore the ache that is bursting within my throat. I don't want to be uncomfortable so I don't argue, I play the role of peacemaker, I don't provoke contrariness. I want to blend in.

But there is this yearning lately that pulls and nudges and sometimes yanks every desire for comfort straight right out of me.

Blending in is for the weak.

In Him I am made strong.

Complacency is without purpose.

My plans are empty but His purposes will prevail.

Yearning is for the thirsty.

He calls for the thirsty.

Today I will run harder. Thirst more. Even get a little sweaty.

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